The Selective Forgetfulness of Culture in Kenyan Societies

 

As a diaspora African, having spent almost 9 years abroad, I now have a critical view on the general term “culture”. I come from Kenya, an East African country which is quickly modernizing, yet still bearing the taint of Kenyans choosing when to apply and not apply “culture” both in and out of the country. Kenya is made up of over 40 different tribes each with their own distinct language, traditions, and way of living. So, when I speak of “culture” in this article, I don’t refer to any tribe, rather I refer to those that I am familiar with, based on behavior I have experienced and observed. Nearly all Kenyan tribes are patriarchal, with one that I know of being matriarchal. Now, there’s nothing wrong with either structure, in fact, for centuries, their traditions were developed for the survival of the communities. As a step towards fighting the plague of tribalism that ravages Kenya, I won’t mention the tribes by name to avoid appearing like I’m singling any out. A good place to start evaluating culture in Kenya is how it is used to define the relationship between men and women.



In the patriarchal societies, as expected, men come first. They have the biggest say in their families, and even as young boys they are elevated above their sisters. Even today, parents rejoice when a son is born, and the ululations when a girl is born is less intense. From the highest echelons of society, men are taken to be superior to ridiculous extents. For instance, when serving food at public events, men are often served first and at home the biggest and juiciest piece of meat is reserved for the father.

Now, the irony is that the Kenyans who thump their chest in defense of cultural patriarchy, are humble when it comes to asking women for money. When men need money from a woman: either a wife, girlfriend, sister, or boss, they put their culture aside and request for money often not bothering to return the borrowed amount out of spite. As any other African abroad, I have many times received requests to help back home. One instance that stands out for me is when a cousin, younger than me, whom I barely spoke to, asked me for money. He asked with it in a tone that signaled entitlement and didn’t even mention money in the first place. He used the Kenyan euphemism “can you sort me out”. I sent him an amount that I could afford, and what I got in return was a half-hearted thank you message and since then he has never offered to return the money he borrowed. Now this same cousin is considered above me in the society but conveniently put aside his cultural position when it suited him to benefit from a woman.



Matriarchal societies are also on their part affected by this selective application of culture. The community that I am familiar with is so deeply committed to the “women come first” concept that even its folklore celebrates women from its genesis. This is on one hand something to appreciate, as it’s a breath of fresh air from the suffocating patriarchy. However, on the other hand, it introduces inequality because in relationships between men and women, women wear the proverbial pants. They handle the finances, make major decisions like where the family lives and some even turn to domestic violence, in the form of a slap or knock on the head of their male partners to put a message across. Growing up, daughters, especially the eldest, are put in charge of taking care of the family financially and otherwise. It can be burdening to some women, but it still comes with holding power in the family.

The issue with the matriarchy is that it is applied on most issues but when it comes to the bride price tradition, it is conveniently forgotten. I have a lot to say about the bride price tradition, but I will save this for a later article. Bride price is the amount paid to the family of the bride by the future husband before their marriage. Many African societies practice this. In the past it would be in the form of livestock but now in the present day it is paid out as money or other valuables. When it comes her time to get married, the woman in a matriarchal society suddenly forgets her power and accepts that she is treated like property by insisting her beau part with hundreds of thousands of shillings (thousands of dollars) as proof that he loves her. My question to such women is what happens to the idea that she is the superior person in her community? Shouldn’t it be the other way around, that she pays groom price instead?



Africans need to change from applying culture only when it’s convenient. If culture is indeed grey, we should embrace this nuance rather than viciously insisting it is black and white when it suits us, then cower with our tails between our legs when it doesn’t. It is exhausting, hypocritical and annoying. Selective cultural amnesia needs to be uprooted from our lives, and I hope to live to see its extinction in my lifetime.